i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
