Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
