Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
