I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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