Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
