A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
