Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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