your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
