Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
