I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
