There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
