Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
