need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
