We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
