The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
