If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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