I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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