I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
