She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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