capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
