so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's the barista slut.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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