I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
