2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can Purell be used as lube?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
