A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
