So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
