I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
