I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
