Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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