I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
