I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
