Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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