I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
