Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
