One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
