I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
