I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
