i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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