I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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