I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
