you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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