Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
