So drunk its hurt
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
