Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
high people should be assigned attendants
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
should my penis look like a turkey
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
