woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
