Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
