Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
