ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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