Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
