You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
