He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
