Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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