Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
