You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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